Drunk Times, Part-2

Get up!

Get up!!!

(That’s how most of my mornings start, with the sweetest sound I know.)

What do you want?

Can’t you listen, the doorbell is ringing! Get up and open the door, must be the garbage lady.

I can’t feel my legs, you go.

Well, I am lazy more than I am numb.

I get up every day. It’s your turn.

From when did we start having turns?

From today.

I lost it. I move the blanket, look around for my shorts. I can’t find it. I go to the pile of dirty clothes near the bathroom and wear one of the used jeans.

Oh Shit!!! My head hurts.

I told you not to drink that much. When will you start listening to me? And don’t forget the bottles, She screamed.

 I go to the kitchen, the smallest in the planet. I see three big poly bags filled with trash.

Shit… I murmured. Where does this trash come from? Three fucking bags. What did we do yesterday? I tried to remember, my brain failed. It happens a lot now days, I just forget things. May be I am getting old. But 22 is not the age people consider old. Probably my drinking habits. I think she is right, I do drink a lot.

I open the door, the aunty is standing right on my face.

Aunty ye lo.

‘Kitna time lagaate ho saab? Jladi aaya karo warna mai chali jaayegi kalse.’

Sorry, aunty So raha tha, I apologized.

Everyone is in hurry now days. I wonder where they want to go. May be it’s just me who likes to stay at home. Everyone is in time. She always came in time, one year and she never missed a day.

I turn back. Holy fuck! What did we do yesterday? There are cigarette buds and ash. Small papers, roach, glasses, clothes, plates. This room is a mess. I don’t know, it’s messy because we do things or we do things to forget it’s messy.

It’s the other way round honey. Now shut up and sleep!

It’s 8 o’clock. You should get up, it’s fucking Monday, we have fucking jobs to go. I will make some coffee for you.

My kitchen is the most amazing place, everything is in one hand distance. The real value of school’s morning assembly, stand in one hand distance method, the retarded architect who made this building probably loved his school days. That butt-hole didn’t realize, there will be people living in this house not cockroaches. They live here too but ...we are the one who cook.

The used Horlicks bottle, which I use now to store coffee is almost over. It’s the last installment. Sugar is almost over. I wonder how things get over so fast. Good days, good consumer goods, money, time, they all share this characteristics. They get over.

Take your coffee.

Ahhh…get up. You’ll be late.

She takes the coffee. The next few minutes will be a visual treat. The way she wakes her up, with meowing sound, stretching arms, getting folded in and out, and the hidden yawning. If anyone records this and put it on Youtube, it’s a million dollar footage. The cat videos will retire. I never understood why people put their cats on the internet when you have equally charming women around you. They do stupid things all the time. They say stupid things and behave unpredictably 24*7, isn’t that what makes the market for cat videos.

I don’t want to go to the office, I fucking hate it.

She keeps her coffee mug on the side and starts crushing.

Don’t be stupid, just go.

She is busy roasting the cigarette.

Say something.

Ok Baba, I’ll go, let me smoke first. Mean time you take a shower.

Well, I don’t think I have any time. I will just wash my face and go, it’ll take another half an hour to heat the water. I’ll switch it on for you.

Now all I need is a kind of clean shirt which will go with this jeans. The black shirt. I think all the clothes we buy should be black for three reasons, first it’s sexy, second it goes with your hair color, we fucking Indians, third they never look dirty. They do smell after a week but then we invented DEOs. I wonder why people take bath every day. It’s such a noble activity and it’s a comparatively new trend in human civilization. I don’t think they bathed every day in 18^th century. Christ sake No. We are just wasting our time, pouring water on us, using all the expensive products. What do we get? A sense of belonging.

She puffing out the grey.

You are a dirty man, you never take bath. Sometimes I think you are a buffalo’s soul, you need another man to rub and clean you.

That’s right. Hand me the bottle.

I make a peg in the same glass of yesterday.

Good Morning, we cheered. I gulped and she puffed.